dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
