Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
