I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
