I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
