Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
