just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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