i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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