if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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