laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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