I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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