Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
