I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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