This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
