so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
