I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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