One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
