Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
