Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
