He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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