He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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