K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
