drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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