I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
