dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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