the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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