There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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