please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
