She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
