im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
