there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
