I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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