K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
