So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
