Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
zippers are such a cool invention
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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