I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
