They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
