Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
