What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
