At least make sure they are 18
Why
it hurts more in the daytime
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
