Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
