2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize