Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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