We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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