i just sent this text using only my big toe
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
