last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
