2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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