he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
