You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
