Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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