I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
