Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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