omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
