these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We named our party play list daddy issues
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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