he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
