there was a trapeze. enough said
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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