don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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