let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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