Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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