I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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