just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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