I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sext me about skeletons
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
