My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
