No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
