If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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