were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
