I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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