Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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