return my video game
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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