we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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